Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
