I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
