Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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