I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
