we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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