It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
