Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
