I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
