I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
