Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
