Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
