Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
