Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
