your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
