okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
