Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize