Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
