there's paper in my vomit.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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