We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
