i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is classic penis vs brain.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
