I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
