dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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