dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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