Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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