i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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