dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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