weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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