There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
