She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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