i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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