his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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