you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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