i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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