you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
this will be a night to untag.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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