Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My feet surprised me
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