If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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