Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
