i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
