He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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