I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
