Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
