this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
