dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my shit smells like andre
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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