Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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