so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
