so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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