Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
