Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
