Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize