He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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