If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
