we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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