so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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