If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
