yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
