Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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