He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
