You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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