meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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