She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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