I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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