just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
