There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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