when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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