Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize