I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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