I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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