like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
