Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize