Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
