I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
