I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
