I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
