lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
