I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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