i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize