we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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