If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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