I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
