pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
