So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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