Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
