My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
