Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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