Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
